Things I learned this weekend:

Elephants are nuts.

Gatsby parties are the best parties.

I’m a total misogynist and I hate women.

Wind It Up is fantastic.

Indie Music is a gate way drug.

And on the seventh day God looked at the world and said....

RAGE

Fucking Civil War! Why must I wait till friday?

Mighty Morphing Power Racists

I think I know why racism is still a problem in the world today. It’s because we all watched Mighty Morphing Power Rangers when we were little. I'm in the middle of an all nighter so my brain is wandering, and I think of the original Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. I get some glee from this, remembering how much I loved the extream ass they all kicked and how cool they were in my pre-formed kindergarten mind. Then I noticed something horrible. One of the two female rangers was the Pink Ranger. That’s not so shocking, you may say, women love the color pink! It’s a fact! Well you got a point there Sexists McBeatshiswife; that is a fact! And it’s not that bad they made one of the women the Pink Ranger, it was an honest mistake. Riddle me this then: why is the Black Ranger a black man? That is right! They put the brother in the black costume. Why the fuck is that? I don’t know, maybe they didn't want the Klu Klux Klan audience members they had to get confused over which hero they wanted to die every episode when they morphed. Maybe when they were in their base or whatever it’s called, with the gay robot (and what is up with gay robots? This dude from power rangers, C3PO and R2D2? Is Hollywood making a subtle statement that gay men are programmed to love the cock?), and all the Rangers are suited up they have to put him the black costume so he can't sneak in and use the white only restroom or water fountain. I bet the Red Ranger and the Blue Ranger would just beat the living shit out of the Black Ranger every time he so much as even looked at the Pink Ranger. Now wait, you may be saying, ok, so one of the girls, the really prissy girly girl of the two girls is the Pink Ranger, and that makes sense, and maybe they didn't realize they made the Black Ranger black, or that would be bad. It’s all one big cowinkydink. And this is for you, you racist mother fuckers, that still don’t see what’s going on; I ask you this one last question: Why is the Asian woman the fucking YELLOW RANGER?

Holy Updates, Batman!

Fuck yes bitches. I’m motherfucking back and better then fucking ever! 100% more weed. 100% more booze. 100% typos and fucked up spelling. So while this didn’t happen last night. It did happen. And I’m writing about now. Because I had no time before this mellow fucking tip so here I go. I Shaved. While high. It was fucking fantastic. It took me like an hour to get all the shit I needed. I spent maybe another how just lathering my face. At that point I forgot what I was doing, so I started to brush my teeth. Then I remembered. So I shaved. And ran that blade like 20 times across my chin. It felt so silly. Now I did all that in about half an hour. And I didn’t kill my self and take off a good chuck of skin. The shower was another half an hour, because it the soap felt so silly every time I would go to get out I would have to do it just one more time. I was the cleanest motherfucking stoned kid ever. Ever. Then I watched lost. It was a fantastic night. It made me damn fucking happy. I also ate White Castle. Also fucking fantastic. It whole thing was just fuckin. amazing. So that’s that. Everybody must do this once. Its amazing.

Also if anybody has a chance to see the hold steady live. The are fucking great.

What the Fuck? Part II

So it was 4:20 and I was feeling a little down. Had a cig, and a tiny little bit of pot, just to mark the moment, and went back to work. Of course instead I ended up on the Internet and found this.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9105575935534995120&q=shingo

Part of me says what the fuck? The other part of me wants to get up and dance. Sometimes I think God made a huge fucking mistake having me be born American rather the Japanese.

Star Wars Jihad!

So I just finished a paper on Machiavelli and blazed a little before I go to bed, because fuck I needed to be a little stoned. Well I surf the web and I find this wonderful statistic. According to howstufworks.com there were at least, LEAST, 1,161,293 Imperials stationed on the Death Star at any given time. That’s a lot of fucking people. I mean a lot. When we all cheer and shit when Luke blows that mother to high heaven at the end of the first movie, we are cheering the death of over 1 million people. But there is more! According to the site, there was more likely around 500 million to 1 billion people abroad. 1 billion! That’s a sixth of the earths population taken out with two fucking photon torpedoes. (Why the fuck are they called torpedoes anyway? They are in fucking space call it a fucking missile like it is). Luke Skywalker, the fucking personification of good…kills just an ungodly amount of people, not all of them military personal.

I can’t look at the rebels the same way again. Sure the imperials fucking blow up Aldaran, but I can’t help but see the rebels as anything but like crazed fundamentalists. Light side, Dark side. Who gives a fuck? Why do we have to join sides? Between Aldaran and the Death star like a gagillion people just died. WHAT THE FUCK! And who else is on the rebels side? Admiral Ackbar. Now is it just me or does Ackbar sound a little Islamic? Is that a cawinkydink? I just don’t know. All I know is that Star Wars is a fucked up place. Han Solo is right, take the money and motherfuckng run. Here is the site. http://science.howstuffworks.com/death-star7.htm

Porno!

I just found this through college humor. Thought I should share it all with you. Maybe NSFW

http://www.gamelink.com/display_product.jhtml?src=gl&mall=st&mref=main_p_221813&id=221813